you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
there is another microwave in the elevator.
Randomize
