my vag is so smooth its legendary
For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
Randomize
