Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Randomize
