I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
Randomize
