I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
My clean wipe streak was ended today by two enchiladas and a can of refried beans. dammit i should have been more cautious. thanks for all ur encouragement and support.
My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
Randomize
