5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
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