i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
Randomize
