I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
zippers are such a cool invention
worst lay ever....
as long as you cum, there is no bad sex
ya... thank god for condoms, I was able to fake it... I stand by my original statement
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
Randomize
