My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
Let's paint friendship bongs
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
Randomize
