omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
Randomize
