and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
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