We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
Randomize
