I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
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