overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
Randomize
