Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
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