What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
Randomize
