I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
Randomize
