There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
Randomize
