How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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