She is in my trunk
Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
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