Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
sooo i think when i get back from rothbury i should probably take a pregnancy test
but you would be showing by now. i'd just save the money and wait for a large crap in 6 months that starts crying. then you'll know.
sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
Randomize
