Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
Keanu Reeves Photobombed A Couple’s Wedding Photos As A Perfect Gift
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
29 Married People Share What They Used To Find Cute About Their SO—But Now Find Infuriating
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom