Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.