did you get engaged???
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
Randomize
