I hate your face
They should really pass out barf bags in church
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
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