I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
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He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
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we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
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