WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
yeah but I shoulda known it\'d be bad when he start rubbing my pubic bone instead of the clit! Awkkkkwarddd
Maybe she gives good head
A girl who still calls a dick a "wiener"cannot possibly give good head
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
Randomize
