Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
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