It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
Randomize
