not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
oh well at that point I was already depressed with life because I had watched the bratz movie.
people are starting to question the shark bite story
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
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