it's taking a lot of effort to be mature and not reply to her with like a video of bestiality porn
Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
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