DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
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