Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
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