never play flip cup with pint glasses
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
Randomize
