I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
Randomize
