I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
Randomize
