this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
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