if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
Randomize
