I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
Randomize
