My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
I will pre answer that I did not see it the fun way. He was peeing outside.
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
Randomize
