trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
Randomize
