I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
Randomize
