I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
Randomize
