I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize
