I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
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