he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
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