I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
Randomize
