well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
Women Are Tweeting Photos Of Their Underwear To Support Rape Victim Whose Thong Was Cited During Trial
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
21 ‘Don’t Say It’ Tweets That Are Gonna Get Said Every Damn Time
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
Randomize
