A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
When did we convert life to cartoon?
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in