Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
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