Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
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