i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
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I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
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It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina