My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
Randomize
