Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
I'm getting the same feeling waiting for the web-page to load that has my final grades that I get when I take a pregnancy test. I think I'm gonna leave my computer for 3 minutes.
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
Randomize
