i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
Randomize
