i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
Randomize
