my being single is dangerous.
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
Randomize
