My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
Randomize
