wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
The Olympian is in my bed
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
Randomize
