Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
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