Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
Randomize
