Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
Randomize
