the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
i wish my penis had a tongue
so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
Randomize
