So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
Why can't burritos get me drunk
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
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