Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
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