I just saw Ann slam dunk her puke bag into a trash can on Avenue A. You ladies might want to consider putting the Patron shots down and going home.
Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
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