It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
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