Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
Randomize