I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
Shame - the story of my life.
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
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