I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
do guys with small dicks even attempt to pursue romantic relationships?
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
Randomize
