I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
I'm only gonna ask u this once. Y is there a picture of u only in superman underwear rubbin ur nipple on facebook????
Uh I can actually explain that one..
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
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