I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
Randomize
