Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
I won't apologize to a one balled man
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
Randomize