UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
Randomize
