I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
Randomize
