Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
so she asking me "is it okay to have dangling labias?"
they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
Randomize
