none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
Randomize
