I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
Randomize
