Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
Does she know that uploading nude photos to photobucket and networking are two different things? You may want to ask.
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
what is it with giant penises always finding me
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
Randomize
