he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
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