operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
Randomize
